people will find you, speaking as an introvert

introvert, reporting for duty!

I truly believe, you shouldn't be afraid to wander out there, all on your own. I'm not sure if it takes courage or not, but it does have risk included. Is it a thing that has to be learnt, like riding a bike? Or can you just decide to do it one day? It's funny because when people ask me, I just say, I've always been alone. I know what it's like to be alone, and get used to yourself, because it's hard to walk around and dislike yourself. To not spend quality time with yourself. It's not possible to, be around people 24/7, all the time, that's where self love comes into play, & when did we as a society, say things like, why is she eating all by herself or why are they alone. There's nothing wrong with being alone, and if anything, some people prefer it.

Speaking as an introvert, though I should say, that take baby steps. Sometimes things can be new to us, and we need a chance to fully get used to them. I also think it can be a super hard shift, to get used to, of always being around people & then not being around people, but it's also not as clear cut as that. I’m sure I could down the route of saying, we’re born alone, we die alone, and all that usual gruel. But the fact of the matter is, we need people, and that’s the bottom line. But, being an introvert myself, I always look at spending time by myself, as a fear of missing out ( better yet known as, FOMO) I took baby steps with it, at first, but like I mentioned was used to being alone. But, just because in primary school, I never was much of a social butterfly, doesn’t mean, it doesn’t take time to get your head around, and to make it stick. I also, think as introverts, we also don’t mention the lonely part. It can be so strange, because we’re known to be, the wallflowers, the lone wolves, the one flower in the grassy field, and yet… loneliness still remains. It’s almost like, it’s to be expected.

But the point of this article is, people find you at the weirdest times. It’s not even that you’re looking for it, but it just finds you. It’s what happened to me, on night-outs, concerts, and other things in life, we find ourselves at. But it’s odd, because as an introvert, it can be so hard to break out of your safety zone, your comfortable zone, and wanting to be around others, but also not too much. I’ve always seen the clear difference between introverts & extroverts, and honestly it’s more than going outside and hanging out with yourself. It’s the clear distinction, in your nature, as a person. I mentioned the word, wall-flower, and yes, I love to find myself by a wall, or a tree, or some kind of safety net, and I’m in my own bubble and no one can burst me out of it. It’s definitely difficult trying to play both, introverted extrovert, because it’s like picking at you, to choose a side. Although, there isn’t one. I’ve always found that, people bring out my extrovertedness, and that… it’s harder for me, to strike up conversations and be outgoing. Maybe, if we pull back the layers on this, it all stems down to mood. But it’s interesting, that’s for sure, because there are a lot of us, who align to both, rather than one or the other. But, I guess, now that I’m reaching the end of this, it’s not an equal number, like 50/50. It’s more, 80/20. On a good day, you’ll get me as an extrovert, but on paper, an introvert, is who I’ve always been.

My favourite things, to do alone, is reading a book in the park, watching a movie at the cinema, and going on a walk. The movie one, is the main one in specific. It’s just you, and the movie, but that’s not to say that, watching movies with others isn’t fun, in it’s own right, because it can be, depending on what the film was. For example, I went to see Nosferatu with my friends, and it was great. It felt like a film to be shared with others. Films that make you say, “ what was that?”. But not even, what was that in a bad way, but a mind-blowing way. It’s even too much, to hold in, just by yourself, and talking about film with others, is always an interesting topic, because we all see films differently, like how art is subjective, and we see art differently too.

But back to people having the ability to find you, even on a night out alone this evening (27/02) I engaged in wonderful conversations and ended the night by singing eternal flame at a bar in Dalston, which was something I never expected to happen. But like I said, people have the ability to have you open up in the best ways. After I did it, I questioned, am I one step closer to confronting stage fright? ( no, it was only 7 people) but the 7 people thing, goes back to baby steps. We all have take baby steps, in everything. Of course, I felt on top of the world & invincible after doing that, only ever really singing in my bedroom, and karaoke booths. But I realised, it was the first time, but it shouldn’t be the last. That furthers my point, on trying things out alone, because going up on that stage scared me, but I did it anyways, and I did it afraid. But, I realised, I had no reason to be.

Signing off,

Your fellow introvert ( who can be extroverted)